Well, I didn’t become a DL this term. To be honest, I think it doesn’t really come as a surprise that I didn’t achieve my so called ~goal~. I’ve been slacking off so much this term. In fact, even though I’m physically present in class, most of the time (well, at least in certain classes) I’ve been playing on my phone or ipod touch, and then, even when I get home, I rarely look at my notes. Tsk, frankly speaking, I’m very much disappointed in myself. But what’s done is done. Again, this time I swear that I’m going to study and give my best. But, heck, that was what I said before. I sure hope that I keep to my promise now.

Anyways, I’ve found out today that my best friend (former best friend? best friend from elementary?? omglob idk what our relationship is anymore ahahahaha \creis in a corner) has finally managed to get into a legit relationship. As in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. And as the derp that I am, I can’t help but feel sad, although, I am happy for her, as a friend should be. Blargh, I think I’m too late to catch up with the news though, and that’s another thing that makes me sad. Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened if I ended up going to the same school as her? Surely we’d be closer than we are now. I feel as though I’m drifting further and further away from my old friends, and I can’t help but feel a pang of loss and miss them so much. I miss them a lot. I really do, even if I don’t really show it well. I really wish I can spend more time with them. Then again, whenever I have free time, I end up slaving away on my laptop, so I guess I’m also at fault. 

I don’t want to whine anymore, so I’ll end this post now. But before that, lemme just say that I’m currently in Cebu, aha. My summer vacation has finally started! 8D

Well, this post is really late, isn’t it? Haha, anyways, I spent most of my holy week in Hong Kong. It was really fun, I suppose. Haha, I can’t wait for our trip to Turkey this May. Truth be told, I’d rather go to Russia or some Scandinavian country, but I’ll take what I can get.

Anyways, grade distribution is supposed to be today, but I have yet to receive my grades for two subjects. Ahhh. ;A;

Till next time. Haha, wish me luck, because I really need it at this point in time. :’)

I can’t express how happy I am right now that I’ve finally, finally, finally skipped through the hurdle that’s called CWTS. I’m quite confident that I’ll at least have a good grade there. Can’t say the same about the other subjects I have this term. Not that I’m scared or anything, I’m just not that confident that I’ll be showering 3s and 4s this term, though I do wish, from the bottom of my heart, that I’ll get such scores. I mean, psh, looking at my grades and seeing how ~kyut~ they all are makes me happy.

That, and I actually, for once, have something to be proud of. After all, being that girl who doesn’t really speak that much or do anything much (I hate extracurricular activities. Kindof.), it’s an honor to finally achieve something. Something that I can at least be proud of. 

Haha, I’m getting kind of repetitive, but these sentiments have been boiling up inside me for quite a while now and I have to let them out. Anyways, I really hope that I’ll end up as a DL still this term. It would be a dream come true. God knows I’m trying my best. 

I still have to continue making my presentation for my sociology subject. There’s also these Filipino subjects that I have to worry about as well. Then there’s our PE. I only got a 1 for our midterm grade, though, I suppose I should be content with that already seeing as a lot of people failed. Same goes for my economics grade. I got a 2.5, 7 points shy (haha, who am I kidding? 7 points is more than just a bit of a stretch. It’s a big gap.) of getting a 3. 

I’m not even sure I can ever get a 3 there. We’re going to have another long exam and I don’t really understand the topics that the prof discussed well. That, and the group project is a nightmare - our professor is super strict about the content of the video and stuff like that that I just want to tear my hair out in utter frustration.

Then again, I’ll probably look back to these days and laugh my arse off. Surely I still have much, much, muuuch more harder stuff to go through in college. 

Today, after taking the ITEO exam that everyone in my school need to take, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the entrance exams I took a year ago. Which lead me to a very bothersome thought: Am I on the right track?

When I was choosing courses, I didn’t really give it much thought. In fact, I randomly chose the ones that seem ‘easy’. In the back of my mind, I wish I didn’t do that. I wish I actually listed a business or economics course as my first choice. I’m alright with my current course, but… Is there actually something better for me out there? Is there actually another course that would suit me better than the course I’m taking now? It doesn’t really help that during my initial interview with one of my school’s counselor she acted like a total douche (at least that’s how it felt for me. It also felt as though during the entire session she was mocking me and insulting me. :|) and was like, ‘I bet if you were good in math you’d be in a business course’. Stuff like that makes me second guess myself.

I’m actually planning on taking the shifting exam thing next term - this time I’m pushing through with it. Not like I really have that much motivation to actually shift. 

It was the beginning of the end of his world.

Erik sat up, weak light came filtering in from the slats of the little window, a sign that it was almost morning. Dawn had arrived. His eyes started to adjust to the darkness inside the small room, and his gaze fell on the body beside him.

He stared at the sleeping figure, horror, disgust and shame filled him to his very core as he recalled the events of last night, how he had touched her, how he had caressed her, how he had held her close to him as though he had the right to do so.

Christine, his dear Christine, surely hated him now.

It crashed on him, all the things that he had lost since the fire that he himself had caused – his home, and now, he was going to lose the one thing that he didn’t want to lose, the one and only thing in this wretched world that he held dear aside from music:  his Christine.

Without her, the music he made felt incomplete, it lacked an aspect that only she could fill.

And with this treacherous act, he had sealed his fate. She would hate him forever. After all, what sane person would want to stay with him, a man, no, a monster?

He got up silently, trying not to disturb her from her peaceful slumber. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but for now, he had to hide himself, he had to escape the shame and the feelings that warred inside him. He couldn’t take it. Not now. He couldn’t face them, and most of all, he couldn’t face her.

He had finished clothing himself, and he picked up the mask that he had foolishly shed the night before when he had thought of senseless things, when passion overtook all his senses and made him think of things – a future -  that definitely couldn’t happen no matter how much he would hope for it to.

He had fixed his mask, covered the grotesque part of his face, when he heard her stir. Erik turned, to find Christine sleepily looking up at him, a small smile on her lips before she saw that he was fully dressed and ready to go. She looked confused, before understanding lit up in her features and she hastily sat up, not even bothering to cover herself, as she stood up and took hold of his arm.

“Stay.”

A single word, that was all it took.

It wasn’t the beginning that he had imagined, nevertheless it was better, it was a fresh start, one that he would share with her.  

A drabble that I also posted on my other account.

Haha, I don’t even.

Phantom feels. 

;A;

Today’s Monday, and it’s the start of Uni Week in our school. Haha, I can’t believe that I’m saying this, especially seeing as it’s a school-related event and all, but I’m actually enjoying myself. Which is such a surprise, really. Back when I was in high school I hated school events. Well, not really. Especially if the school events are something that could stave off my boredom and all that. Tomorrow, we aren’t going to have any regular classes today seeing as it’s our LEAP day and all. I’ll be an Orphanage Worker for a Day and I guess I’m pretty excited for that too.

Anyways, today our class in FILDLAR was chosen to have a ~historical tour~ around the campus. It was fun and very informative though I guess I would still prefer our normal classes than that since I don’t like standing and all. Anyways, what’s even better than that would be the fact that we’re required to watch a play. The same play that I’m required to watch for my other Filipino subject. You could just imagine the happiness I felt at that, seeing as I thought I wouldn’t be going with anybody. Now at least I have two people to accompany me. Haha. S’like killing two birds with one stone. I’m somehow glad of my decision to take WIKAKUL this term. At least I won’t have to watch anymore plays - good riddance - next term. Except if we’re suddenly required to watch something for KASPIL2 but I doubt that that would happen.

The only thing I don’t like about this week would be the fact that we have practicals for our FTTEAMS. And omglob I still don’t know how to juggle a ball. And we need to get a 7 to gain a perfect score and omglob I don’t even. What do. >8

The song ‘I am Titanium’ keeps on reverberating in my mind like elevator music. It doesn’t help the fact that I’ve been hearing the song everywhere too. Anyways, ah, as I have mentioned before (or have I not mentioned this before? Haha, I don’t knooow), it is finally my third, and last term as a froshie. I’m finally going to be a sophomore next term. Or a junior, I don’t know. Since next year I’ll already be graduating and all.

Time goes by so fast that I don’t even know anymore. It’s like, where’s the pause button or something. I can’t believe that I’m turning 18 this year. It was just like yesterday when I dreamt of becoming something ‘cool’, something better than my 6 year old self. Haha, I don’t know if my 6 year old self would be proud of me, but in my current state, I think I’m fine with how things are. 

I still don’t really like attending some of my classes. In fact, I would drop them if only it wouldn’t reflect on my records. Not like it’s that important or anything, I mean, I’m not really planning on working for a company or anything. I want to be the boss of myself, after all.

Anyways, I think I’m adjusting to college life well. Kind of. Aside from the snotty and bitchy classmates I’m kinda honestly enjoying myself.

I’m somehow excited for the LEAP thing too. I still don’t really know what class I’m going to attend, though. But I’m happy that we won’t have a regular class on Feb. 5. xD

I should probably start stressing out. I should probably be frantically searching for stuff related to the three tentative topics for my english research class. I should probably be doing my essay assignment thing for my filipino research class. And yet, here I am, procrastinating, as usual. 

I’m reminded of the events last term which in a way, lead to my grade’s ‘demise’. My priorities then were short term instead of long term. I don’t want a repeat of that anymore, what with only a .5 in a subject separating me from becoming 1st and all that. It just hurts a lot to come so close yet fail.

Not that I was aiming to become a DL last term. Although, I can’t really say I’m aiming to be a DL again this term. I just don’t want to fail my parents, no matter how annoying they can be at times (I’m sure they say the same about me. :v). They have given me a lot, and continue on giving me a lot of things that sometimes I feel embarrassed what with me not repaying them and all. 

The only way I see it, I can repay them by getting good grades.

And bottom line is, deep down, I think that’s my goal too. Not only to prove myself to them that I can do it. But to prove to myself that I can. And so far, I think I’m on the right track.

Meep.

I don’t know about this term though. What with the new environment and all. But, hopefully, I’ll do more than just survive. I’ll do better than survive. 8D

Okay, so… I realized that the only time I’ll ever get to hold a guy’s hand would be when he introduces himself. Because welp. For some reason after stating their names guys would shake your hand??

What.

I don’t even. I’ve shook hands with two different guys in this week alone.

Maybe I should also start offering my hand to a person I’m introducing myself to. Is that the etiquette thingie for introducing yourself or??

\confused derp is confused